Over the past several months what has really stuck home to me is how important it is to actually take a BREATH, to not just “do”, but to actually “be”.  It is only in this way that we have the opportunity to really listen to ourselves, to take a step back and be in touch with what is really going on inside.  We can actually observe from a big picture perspective just how we are really feeling, how we are showing up in the world, how people are responding to us.  It is an opportunity to stop letting our unobserved ego run the show.

The realization of just how important this is became very clear when it dawned on me how very uncomfortable it is for me to sit still – to actually not have a plan, or a to-do list that has to be completed “immediately”.    I have spent my life convinced that, without this type of frantic attention to the list, nothing would be accomplished.  Now I am seeing that having the time to just be actually helps me accomplish those things that really matter, and at the same time allow me to actually gain insight on different ways to go about what I am trying to accomplish.   It allows me to let the Universe show up for me, to really get on a deep level that I am not in this alone.

This new way of looking at how I spend my time really fits well with what coaching is all about – having support in accomplishing things that are important to us.  But, in taking time to breathe, this support expands exponentially.

I want to write here about the use of the Strong as a tool for people interested in career exploration, career enrichment, and career transition. The assessment is administered online, and it generally takes about 40 minutes to complete.  For many of the people with whom I have worked, taking the Strong was their first real opportunity to take a look at what might be a good fit for them in the context of their likes and dislikes.

The purpose of the Strong is to match the client up with certain careers based on the client’s interests as determined by the results of the assessment.  Research has shown that people are happiest when they work with others who have similar interests, likes and dislikes.  If you think about it, it makes a tremendous amount of sense.  The assessment does not measure aptitude or education, nor does it tell you what specifically you have to do to enter any of the recommended careers.  It is, however, an excellent starting point.

I do not believe that anyone should use the results as an absolute indication of the type of job/career they should pursue.  Other things like personal values, financial needs, and other life situations have all to be taken into account.  However, this tool, especially combined with the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, gives us the real opportunity of exploring a path that just might lead us to true satisfaction with our careers and/or leisure activities.  Of course, the results should be explored with a professional who can offer you objectivity and guidance throughout the process.

The Feeling and Thinking preferences have to do with how you make decisions.  Those people who prefer the Thinking preference tend to make decisions by using logic – they make decisions with their head.  They like to analyze and critique, they tend to be firm and tough-minded, and they focus on justice and fairness.  People who prefer Feeling tend to make decisions based on personal values – they make decisions with their heart.  They seek harmony with values and others, and focus on people and relationships.  Consideration of the impact of decisions on people involved is high on their list of priorities.

The last preference, Judging vs. Perceiving, has to do with how much structure we need in the outer world.   People who prefer Judging like a definite order and structure.  They are organized and planned and like closure – in other words, they like to make decisions sooner rather than later since they like to know what is going on.  On the other hand, people who prefer Perceiving prefer a flexible life style – they adapt easily to change and like to respond in the moment.  They tend to be casual and easygoing and oftentimes finish projects at the last minute.

What makes these preferences so fastening, and at the same time challenging, is that oftentimes the way we are living our life is not really our preference, but we have been living that way for so long that it feels “natural”.  As an example, we may work in a job that requires us to work in a structured, organized way, when what we would really like to do is have more flexibility in our lives.  It is these types of questions that oftentimes come up when this assessment is done, and the reason that it is critical that we work with a person who has been certified to work with this instrument.

The real gift in knowing our true selves is that we can take all this information a step further to not only really understand ourselves, but to explore the challenges that come with each type and learn how to work around them.  Of course, the critical thing to remember is that there is NO RIGHT OR WRONG TYPE.  They each have their plusses and challenges, and we can learn to appreciate ourselves and the other people who whom we share our lives.

It does seem clear from this perspective that the constant push to achieve is NOT really good, but while I am in the middle of it, it is almost impossible to see what is happening.  It somehow feels so normal.

I suspect there are a lot of us out there.  Many of my friends are like me, and I see this coming up in more and more of my clients.  How can they achieve what they want to achieve and actually have time to relax?      It is really possible to do both?

Believe it or not, there is a balance that can be achieved which actually does lead to good results on several levels.  When we take the time to BREATHE, we allow ourselves to take a step back and see just how we are really doing. You might say that, by actually putting on your observer hat, you give the Universe the opportunity to speak to you.  When we are merely plowing ahead at 100 miles per hour, that opportunity does not present itself.  How many times have you experienced a synchronicity that you certainly did not, could not, arrange?  A clear indication that it is not ALL up to you.

Of course, all of this is made easier if you are not doing it alone.  We all need people who can help us be accountable to ourselves, both from the perspective of moving ahead and from the perspective of ascertaining just when we are pushing too hard.  For instance, do we ever take the time to celebrate our accomplishments?  Not too many people do.  For those of us who do not really know when to stop, this support is invaluable!

So, balance does work!  And the longer I am around, the clearer I am just how important it is to “smell the roses”.

The first pair of preferences has to do with where you get your energy from – it is usually from the outer world of people, events and activity vs. the inner world of ideas, thoughts and impressions.  Despite what many people think when they hear of the terms extravert and introvert, it has nothing to do with how good someone is with people.   This is not something that is necessarily seen from the outside – especially since society, and perhaps our jobs in particular, require that we interact frequently with others.  It really comes down to how we feel after we have had all this interaction – we either feel exhilarated, or tired – in need of a timeout.

The second pair of preferences is about how you gather information.  People who prefer Sensing gather information mainly through the five senses – they focus on facts and detail, trust concrete experience, seek stability and need to see the parts to understand the whole.  They like to use tried and true methods to solve problems.  On the other hand, people who prefer Intuition focus more on possibilities and hunches.   They tend to be more imaginative and like to approach problems with the thought of how they can be solved in an innovative way.  They generally seek change and need to see the whole to understand the parts.

It is important to approach the use of type from the perspective that there is NO right or wrong – all the preferences are good.  Knowing our type, and the type of those with whom we live and work, helps us really appreciate ourselves and the other people in our lives.  This type of understanding can only make our lives richer.

As the day wears on, what oftentimes happens is that we start thinking of what lies ahead – specifically Monday morning.  Thinking about Monday morning can be challenging even if we love what we do, but that does not compare to the dread that comes upon us if we really do not like the job – whether that dislike is for the work we do, the company we work for, or the people we work with.  It does not really matter – the feeling is the same.   If we have become familiar with this feeling, if it has been with us long enough, it would be easy to think that this feeling is inevitable.

Speaking from first-hand experience, I can tell you that it does not have to be like that!  That does not mean that there is a one-step magical solution, but it does mean that it is perfectly reasonable, and achievable, to be happy with your job.

The first step is to understand just what about your job is making you unhappy.  If you do not like the work, then the next step is to explore just what type of work might be better suited for you.  If you like the work, but not the company, or the people with whom you work, the answer seems simpler – just look for another job.

Either way, the critical thing is to remember that we all have choices.  Just the act of deciding to do something about your work situation will feel good – a reminder that we can do SOMETHING about the path we are taking.  I believe it is critical to get support during this process – there will be challenges – the biggest one being to have the discipline to keep taking the steps to make the desired change.

Let yourself get to the place where Sunday’s actually feel good – all day long!

There are four different dichotomies explored within the Myers Briggs Psychological Type (MBTI) Assessment. The questions asked eventually lead to four letters which indicate the assessment taker’s preferences. Notice that I said preferences. We all have some of these characteristics some of the time – there are no absolutes. But like our preference of writing with our left or right hand, there are preferences that just seem “easier”, more natural to us.

All people have preferences – they are our natural gifts. They are innate – we are born with them and if we were allowed to be whom we really are when we grew up, they can be fairly recognizable. It is not the same as our skills, and does not necessarily determine our behavior. They do however influence the way we behave, communicate and interact in our lives both at home and in the workplace. They develop over a lifetime and, as we age, we find ourselves naturally working on the non-dominant functions in an innate attempt to balance ourselves out.

Once we become comfortable with our type preferences, there is a whole world to explore. We can learn how our particular preferences tend to be in relationships, within organizations, how our type communicates, how we learn, our trigger points, and what we can do to alleviate stress when we are “in the grip”. It is fascinating and I recommend it to anyone really wanting to know themselves better.

Jung broke down his theory into four functions and four attitudes. The functions refer to two processes, relating to how we gather information and how we process the information to make decisions. Jung actually described two attitudes, describing the way people focus their energy. Myers and Briggs went a step further and created another dimension dealing with whether a person’s focus in the outer world is on making a decision or gathering information.

Self-knowledge is critical to self-acceptance – if we really understand ourselves – get to know what is an inherent part of who we are – we not only appreciate our gifts, but the gifts of those around us. If we really KNOW that there is no right or wrong type, we are able to work with what we have without going thought the painstaking process of trying to remake ourselves to fit a certain mold.

One of the reasons I started working with this instrument was because of all the people I saw who were trying to fit themselves into a job for which they were not really suited. My own personal experience was that I majored in a subject in college, did well in the subject, but was very unhappy with the field after I started working in it. And this happened even though I went to college as an older student and had some real world experience under my belt.

Of course, there are a lot of other reasons other than finding the right job to take the MBTI. There is something very satisfying about having our ideas about whom we are confirmed, or made even clearer. It is well worth the time and effort.

These were the types of questions that motivated Carl Jung to explore in depth the differences in people’s personalities (1921-1971). Although Carl Jung initially differentiated only the extrovert/introvert differences, he eventually expanded his research to further break down these differences as he saw that the use of only the first two differences did not lead to the understanding he was seeking.

In the 1940s, Isabel Myers and Katherine Briggs continued what Carl Jung had started and, after studying an initial group of people for over 20 years, eventually developed what is now called the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). There is a lot of information available as to the specifics of how these assessments was developed, but suffice it to say here that the MBTI is now a internationally recognized way of providing an understanding of personal preferences.

There are so many benefits that this instrument has to offer, the first one of which is to help us understand and value ourselves – definitely not from the perspective of a “right” way or a “wrong” way, but from the perspective that it is all good. What a gift! From my own experience as a person who initially just took the assessment and is now a practitioner who administers it, there is something so gratifying about the clarify that comes from seeing what we perhaps thought of as a negative trait or way or being, as simply the way we are – with no judgments attached.

Once we learn to appreciate and understand ourselves, we are then able to begin the process of understanding those around us – with the same knowing that there are no right or wrong types. Just this perspective alone can make the world a much nicer place in which to exist with our fellowman.

Most of us have heard the saying that “It really is an inside job”. This definitely applies to achieving what we really want. It all starts to really believing that we can do it, that we are worth the effort, that there is enough time. If you really think about it, the real reason that so many of us fail to move ahead is because of the messages we give ourselves. Makes me think about a saying that is frequently used in the support group of which I am a member: “My mind is dangerous territory… you do not want to go there alone.”

Paying attention to the messages we give ourselves is critical. For instance, if one of our goals is to go back to school, it would be easy to jump from that to such thoughts as “I can never really afford it, so why bother looking”, “There really is no guarantee that I will get a great job afterward, so why even think about it”, “I am getting too old for school”, or the tried and true “There is just not enough time.”

Does any of this sound familiar? The excuses can be endless. The only difference between those who do achieve their goals and those who do not is that the former do not allow those thoughts to stand in their way. They follow the “one day at a time” school of thinking and decide that they only have to take the first step.

So go ahead – pick ONE goal, break it down into SMALL steps, get SUPPORT for your self, and just START.